get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
