Michael Bay diarrhea
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
