Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
