Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
