you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
