Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
