It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
