Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
