I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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