thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
