smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
