Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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