I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
