does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
