the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
