You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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