Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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