So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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