The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
this is an emotional support booty call
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
