He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
