Screwed.edu
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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