I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
