You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
