i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm going to jail i love you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
