do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
