he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
