Already got asked if we're dating
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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