and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
