I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
