Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
