I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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