if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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