Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
