It's just like the Real World with babies
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
