I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
