you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
