My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
