Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
