wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
