I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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