Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
