he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
PANTIES FOUND
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
