I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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