i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
