It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
