Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And then my night got REAL pukey
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
