That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
