My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
