there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
