on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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