I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
