my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
