You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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