Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
