I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Of course I have a pirate flag
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
