i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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